


a million to one

by starlight_sugar



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 03:58:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8235302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlight_sugar/pseuds/starlight_sugar
Summary: Lindsay has a crush on a barista. Lindsay also has plans for a blind date. There might be a slight conflict of interest.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fictional story involving fictional likenesses of real people. Rooster Teeth does not have my permission to use any portion of my work in their content.

“Can I get a toasted blueberry bagel with plain cream cheese and a-”

“Grande caramel latte, extra shot,” the barista finishes, tapping at her computer screen.

Lindsay’s heart stops for a second. It’s probably no big deal. There are a lot of regular customers here, probably, and it makes sense that the barista would learn her order. Total sense. Normal sense that’s totally unrelated to Lindsay’s huge crush on the cute blonde barista. Yeah. Totally normal.

“I think I come here too often if you know that,” Lindsay jokes.

The barista laughs. “No, I just pick up on these things fast. You ordered the same thing a couple times in a week for a few weeks in a row, I was bound to notice eventually.”

“Thank you for noticing,” Lindsay says, and is rewarded by the barista smiling at her. “This is the only place I trust to toast my bagels right.”

“We try really hard not to toast them wrong.” The barista taps her screen. “Can I get a name for the order?”

“You’re taking names now?”

“New store policy, and all that.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s kinda pointless, but we’re doing it anyways.”

“In that case, my name’s Lindsay.”

“Is that A-Lindsay or E-Lindsey?”

“A all the way, fuck those E-Lindseys. They’ve got the wrong vowel.”

The barista laughs again. Lindsay doesn’t have the chance to be embarrassed about dropping the f-bomb in front of a stranger; this woman has a really pretty laugh. “I know how you feel,” she says. “Your total is six dollars and forty-eight cents, by the way.”

Lindsay hands over her credit card and, as subtly as she can, tries to find a nametag on the barista. There isn’t one, and staring at a service worker’s chest is the kind of creepy that Lindsay strives not to be, so she watches the barista’s face instead. She’s cute, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she swipes Lindsay’s card. Lindsay might be a little infatuated. Just a bit.

“Here you go,” the barista says, and hands Lindsay her card. “We’ll have your order out soon, and your name’ll be spelled right on your cup. Promise.”

Lindsay grins. “Promise,” she repeats, and finds a table where she can sit and wait.

#

“You’re smiling at a coffee cup,” Barbara says, leaning against the edge of Lindsay’s desk. “Was it that good?”

“They spelled my name right,” Lindsay says, which is the shortest version of the story that she can tell.

Barb nods wisely. “None of that Linds-eee bullshit, I respect it.”

“Me too. What’s up?”

“Wellllll.” Barbara drums her fingers on Lindsay’s desk. “You know how you were talking the other day about how you don’t have the time to meet people anymore, but you miss going out?”

“Yeah,” Lindsay says warily. There are a number of ways this could be going and she’s not sure if she likes any of them. “What about it?”

“I want to set you up on a date.”

“A blind date?”

“Yeah, but I think you’d like her.”

Lindsay mulls it over for a second. “Okay, who is she?”

“She’s my neighbor, she’s a couple doors down from me.”

“Tell me more about her.”

“That’s the catch.” Barbara drums her fingers a little faster. “I want it to be a totally blind date.”

“Nope,” Lindsay says immediately. “No, no way-”

“Come on, live a little!” Barb leans in. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Nothing,” Lindsay says, a little warily. She trusts Barbara, but sometimes it feels like they live in different dimensions. Overlapping ones, where enough is the same that most of the time she doesn’t question it, but sometimes Barb says things that just don’t translate into Lindsay’s language. This is one of those things. “But you know I’d rather know someone before I date them.”

“But you don’t date people you know.”

“Everyone I know is dating someone.”

“I’m not!”

Lindsay scoffs. “Please, you’re like my sister. And you’ve got your crush on Mica.”

Barbara frowns immediately. “I don’t have-”

“Course not.” She totally has a crush on Mica, and it’s the world’s worst-kept secret, but Lindsay drops it anyways. “I don’t want to go on a blind date, though.”

“What if I told you Mica knows your date?”

“Then I’ll ask Mica about it. Now get off my desk.”

“Sure.” Barbara plucks the empty coffee cup out of Lindsay’s hand. “But I’m taking this.”

“Wh-” Lindsay grabs at the cup, but Barbara slides off Lindsay’s desk and holds the cup behind her back. Lindsay glares. “That was mine!”

“It’s empty!”

“I was-” Lindsay fights down a sigh. She could mention the cute bagel shop girl, but Barbara will sink her teeth in, and that’d be no good after insisting she’s only interested in people she knows. “Fine.”

“Fine,” Barbara repeats. “I’m throwing this away.”

“Fuck off.”

“If you insist,” she says, and leaves Lindsay’s desk. Lindsay sighs. Maybe she can get a new cup with her name spelled right tomorrow.

#

As soon as Lindsay gets to the bagel shop the next morning, the barista smiles at her. “Let me guess-”

“Toasted blueberry bagel, cream cheese, grande caramel latte with an extra shot,” Lindsay rattles off. “And let me guess, that’s gonna cost me $6.48.”

“Now you’re stealing my line.” The barista’s smile widens as she taps her screen. “Next you’re gonna give yourself your own change.”

“Well, I was going to pay with my credit card, but if you wanted to give me cash, I’m cool with that.”

The barista’s cheeks turn pink, just slightly. “I might get in trouble if I do that, Lindsay with an A.”

Lindsay grins as she hands over her credit card. “You remembered!”

“Of course I remembered, your vowels are important. I need to spell your name right.”

“Unlike many baristas through the years.”

The barista hands Lindsay’s card back and leans in conspiratorially. “What’s the worst misspelling you’ve ever gotten?”

“One person wrote L-I-N-Z,” Lindsay says. “That’s my favorite.”

“I salute you for putting up with Starbucks baristas for so long. Thank god those days are over.”

“I’m pretty glad I found this place,” Lindsay admits. It’s only been three weeks or so, but the bagel shop is walking distance from the office, and they actually have bagels. Twenty-three varieties, if the sign on the window is to be believed, but Lindsay knows what she’s about when it comes to bagels. And bagel shops. And this is the perfect kind of place for her.

The barista’s eyes crinkle at the corners, in a way that Lindsay recognizes - the way that means that she’s not just servicing a customer, she’s actually smiling at something someone said. “I’m glad you did too,” she says.

Lindsay grins back, a little helplessly, wonders if this barista will ever wear some kind of name badge, or if she could skip work and stay and just  _ talk _ to her. She likes this woman. Kind of a lot.

The barista’s smile slips back towards professionalism, but her eyes are still sparkling. “Your order will be out in a minute, Lindsay with an A.”

“I look forward to it,” Lindsay says, and she’s damn near beaming as she sits at a table to wait. This time, she thinks she’ll hide her coffee cup under her desk, so Babs can’t steal it. So she can keep it for herself.

#

It takes Lindsay another couple of days to remember the blind date when she’s at home. Mica’s doing something that involves important-looking paperwork, but her eyes are glazing over, and Lindsay’s my-roommate-needs-a-distraction senses are tingling. This seems like a good opening.

“Hey, so, I was talking to Barb the other day,” she starts.

As expected, Mica looks over immediately before making a curious noise. “What were you talking about?”

“She’s trying to set me up on a blind date.”

“Ah.” Mica nods wisely. “She told me about that. With her neighbor, right?”

“Yeah, and she won’t tell me anything about her.”

“It’s a blind date, not a date where you see each other first.”

Lindsay raises her eyebrows. “There’s a difference between a blind date and jumping headfirst into the deep end. I don’t know anything about her.”

“I’ve met her, I know you’ll like her.”

“Why were you at Barbara’s apartment meeting her neighbors?”

Mica shrugs, but Lindsay knows that it was probably a big deal for her. Barb and Mica have been in the throes of will-they-won’t-they from the moment they first laid eyes on each other, over a year ago. Lindsay will support them, whether they do or don’t, but she sort of wishes they either would or wouldn’t already. It’s getting hard to watch them pine away after each other.

“I’m still not sold on this whole blind date thing,” Lindsay says, just to distract Mica from the way her mouth is slowly curving into a frown. “Even if you and Barb both say she’s decent, and I trust you, I don’t like being set up with a stranger.”

“I can tell you a little,” Mica offers. “Don’t tell Barbara.”

“I don’t need to know much, just enough to sell me.”

“Well, she’s cute.”

“Sold,” Lindsay says tonelessly.

Mica cracks a smile at that. “Her name’s Elyse. She’s got a full-time job, but she’s also working for some kind of online start-up. She likes dogs but she’s okay with cats, and she and Babs go to the gym together sometimes.”

“Does she lift?”

“She could probably lift you over her head.”

Lindsay raises her eyebrows. “That’s an exaggeration, right?”

“I’m not sure,” Mica admits. “She’s small, but she seems tough. I liked her, and I know you will too. Unless you’re still hung up on the cute barista.”

“I’m not hung up,” Lindsay says automatically. “And it wouldn’t be okay if I was. She’s working, and I’m not going to force my interest on someone who’s just doing her job-”

Mica waves her off. “She’s cute, you like her, it’s okay to like someone without intent.”

“I want to like someone with intent, though.”

“That’s what the blind date is for. You have the event, we’re giving you the someone.”

“Oh, so it’s  _ we _ now?”

“I’ve got Barbara’s back,” Mica says easily, and turns back to her paperwork. “Think about it, okay?”

“I’ll think about it,” Lindsay promises. She might actually think about it, too. Aimless crushes on cute baristas are all well and good, but maybe a date will be better. Maybe.

#

To: Barbara (9:48 PM)   
Hypothetically: when would the blind date be

From: Barbara (9:50 PM)   
!! I’ll check hold on

From: Barbara (9:53 PM)   
Doing anything Friday night?

To: Barbara (9:54 PM)   
Wasn’t planning on it

From: Barbara (9:55 PM)   
7:30 at the Classic?

To: Barbara (9:57 PM)   
Works for me.

From: Barbara (9:58 PM)   
You’re gonna like her. Promise.

#

Lindsay, coincidentally, has three meetings and a deadline at work on Friday, which aren’t going to be hard to deal with but are sure to be fucking nuisances. It’s going to be a long day, and she knows it as soon as she wakes up. So today calls for drastic measures.

The barista smiles as she walks into the shop. “Let me guess-”

“I’m actually mixing it up today,” Lindsay says, lightly, and not at all like she’s dreading the day in front of her. “Bagel’s the same, but for the coffee, can I get a double-shot chai latte? Venti, please.”

The barista’s eyes bulge. “That’s a lot of caffeine.”

“Long day ahead.” Lindsay smiles, although it must look wan, because she feels wan. “I need the boost.”

“You look like it,” the barista mutters. Before Lindsay can figure out if she should be offended, the barista taps at her screen. “Your total’s $6.48.”

Lindsay’s eyebrows furrow. “Uh, that’s my normal total, and there’s no way that drink costs-”

“I already had your regular order in, and if I want to delete it I need a manager’s approval, and that’s a whole thing, and it’s too early for that whole thing.” The barista shrugs. “Guess if anyone asks, you’ll just have to pretend I messed up your order.”

Lindsay eyes her suspiciously for all of two seconds before she gives in. That all sounds awfully convenient, almost ridiculously so. But she’s not about to say no to saving a couple of bucks, and it’s either a good excuse on the barista’s part or a sweet gesture. She’ll take it.

“Thank you,” she says softly as she hands her credit card over.

The barista’s fingers brush against Lindsay’s as she takes the card, warm and slender, and Lindsay’s breath catches. The barista just smiles. “It’s no problem, really,” she says.

“Thank you anyways,” Lindsay says. And she means it.

#

“That’s a hell of a coffee,” Barbara says as she approaches Lindsay’s desk. “That’s bigger than normal. Is your name spelled right?”

“She always spells my name right.” Lindsay turns her cup around so Barbara can see it. “Don’t take it, though. There’s still coffee.”

“I’d never take your coffee.” Barbara leans against the desk. “So the reservation tonight is under my name, but your date’s name is Elyse. Spelled with a Y, for the record.”

“What does she know about me?”

“That you work with me, and that you live with Mica.”

“How did she meet Mica anyways?”

“We were having our wine-and-anime night, and Elyse happened to stop by and visit.”

“Did she take any of the wine or the anime?”

“Does it matter?”

“It’s a personality test,” Lindsay says, as deadpan as she can. “If she took the wine, I’ll go on the date. But if she stayed for the anime, I’ll marry her.”

“You’ll have to ask her yourself,” Barb says. “I’m making this the blindest date ever.”

“Why are you doing this to us?”

“Because I’m bored and unhappy with my own life so I enjoy meddling in yours?”

Lindsay fixes her with a stern look. “Babs.”

Barbara sighs. “Because you’re my best friend, and I feel like this would make you happy, or at least be worth a shot. And Elyse is pretty cool, too, and I know you’d get along. I just want you to have the chance to get to know each other without me there. Happy?”

“Happier.” Lindsay reaches out and squeezes Barbara’s knee. “I’m going to have a good time, I promise. I trust your taste.”

Barbara rests her hand on top of Lindsay’s. “Thank you for letting me do this.”

“Thank you for being the kind of friend who sets me up on blind dates. Although you should probably know that Mica told me a little more about Elyse.”

Barbara gasps, lifting both hands to her mouth. “How dare she!”

Lindsay pats Barbara’s knee. “I know, it’s a betrayal.”

“I don’t think I can forgive her.” Barb shakes her head. “This is a whole new level of unacceptable behavior. I don’t know if our friendship can survive this.

“You’ll always have me,” Lindsay says. “Even when you don’t want me. Like a fungus.”

“You’re my favorite fungus.” Barbara stands up. “7:30 tonight, don’t be late.”

“Don’t be late,” Lindsay repeats, and takes a long drink of her coffee. It’s getting to that point where it’s not hot or cold enough to be good anymore, but she still needs the caffeine. Especially when she has a pretty big date tonight.

#

Lindsay is, to her credit, not late. She’s not early, either, but she gets to The Classic All-American Diner at 7:29, so she’ll call it on time. She loves The Classic, even though it’s not really an American diner. It’s a sort of upscale take on greasy American food, but it’s a good upscale take, and the lighting is better than an actual diner. It’s a good place for a first date.

So Lindsay isn’t late, because she’s a classy date, and she gets seated and orders her Pepsi, and she gets fried pickles for an appetizer because she deserves some goddamn fried pickles after the day she’s had, and everything’s fine.

Or, at least, everything’s fine at 7:35, when her Pepsi comes. And everything’s fine at 7:39, when she orders a water for Elyse. At 7:41, Lindsay types “how long until you know you’ve been stood up” into Google, but deletes it before she searches it.

It’s not until 7:46 that Lindsay opens her texts with Barb and stares at them for a while. She can’t contact Elyse directly, but Barb might know if something’s up. Then again, she might not, and Lindsay might just be trapped in here alone. But is sixteen minutes really late enough to consider herself stood up? Maybe she should wait until she finishes the appetizer, and then she can consider-

“Lindsay?”

Lindsay’s head snaps up. There’s a petite blonde woman blinking at her. She looks familiar.

It takes a couple seconds for Lindsay to place her, in this new setting, but then it all falls into place. “Bagel girl?”

“Lindsay with an A!” The barista - Elyse, apparently - grins at her, and Lindsay smiles back without thinking about it. “Hi, oh my god, I’m so sorry I was late. One of my friends roped me into helping him with something, and I lost track of time, and I-”

“No, you’re fine!” Lindsay gestures at the seat across from her at the table. “I ordered an appetizer already, I hope you like fried pickles.”

“Fried-” Elyse sits down, looking adorably confused. “I’ve never had fried pickles. I’ve never even been here before.”

“Oh, they’ve got all sorts of good shit. If you like burgers, steak - you know, all that classic American diner stuff, they’ve got it here.”

“I don’t know much about American diner food,” Elyse admits, flipping her menu open. Lindsay opens her mouth to ask, but Elyse smiles, just a touch wryly, and Lindsay’s too disarmed to remember what she was going to say. “I’m Canadian. I don’t know how our diner food compares.”

“Well, ours is probably better,” Lindsay says. Elyse’s eyes sparkle. “You know America, food is basically the only thing we get right here.”

“And you get it really right.” Elyse runs a finger down the menu. “Is their house burger really called the Classic Classic?”

“It’s better than the name would have you believe.”

“Sold.” Elyse snaps her menu shut. “So you work with Barb?”

Lindsay nods. “We’re in different departments, but yeah, we’re at the same company. I’ve known her for a couple of years. And you’re her neighbor?”

“Yeah, I live a few apartments down from her.”

“You met my roommate, you know.”

“Did I really?”

“Yeah, Babs said you crashed their wine-and-anime night.”

“Oh!” Elyse grins. “Mica, right? She was great. Is she dating Barbara?”

“Not yet.” Lindsay leans in conspiratorially. “It’s a real sad situation. They both think they’re in unrequited love, but they’re not.”

“So they’re both just pining?”

Lindsay nods. “It was sort of cute at first, but it got sad after a while.”

“Then we need to help them! We need-” Elyse pauses and looks up as a server comes over and sets the dish of fried pickles on their table. “Thanks so much!”

“Thank you,” Lindsay echoes quickly.

“I’ll have someone come and take your order soon,” the server says before going off, presumably to serve other tables.

Elyse looks back at Lindsay. “We need to make sure they get together.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well.” Elyse shrugs, suddenly looking shy. “There’s this super cute customer who kept coming in where I work, and it took me a month to figure out a good enough excuse to ask for her name. And then just when I decided I was doomed to having a hopeless crush, I wound up on a date with her. So I feel like I owe them a favor, you know?”

Lindsay grins, couldn’t even help it if she wanted to. “Hey, I had a crush on this really cute barista. I couldn’t even ask for her name, but Babs and Mica managed to get me a date with her. I think I owe them one too.”

Elyse picks up a fried pickle chip. “Here’s to dates with cute girls, then.”

“Theirs, but also ours,” Lindsay agrees, and picks up a chip of her own. Elyse taps their chips together, beaming. Her eyes crinkle as she takes a bite, and Lindsay thinks, suddenly but surely, that she must be the luckiest woman in the world. Just the fact that she’s here and now is proof enough.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be my Sapphic September fic, except I sort of... missed the mark. For more discussion of fics that I probably won't write when I say I will, you can always find me on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/ezrabridgers) and [ Tumblr!](http://pervincetosscobble.tumblr.com)


End file.
